Turning Shit into Gold since 2006
The ladies of Smear have always enjoyed a maypole twirl or two around the swimming pool when the summer sun is at its most powerful, but deep down we prefer reveling in chunky sweaters and flannel shirts. August is the month when we dream about cool breezes, constant cloud cover and tress free of soon to be raked leaves. It got us thinking about all the fun things we will get to partake in this exciting Autumn season. Feel free to fashion your very own fall time bucket hat list and share with the community.
Smear Campaign’s Fall Time Bucket Hat List – *a collective effort by Teenage Toto, Doo Doo Riley and missrottingpumpkinhead
1.) Rake an elder’s leaves into a pile and burn them.
2.) Smell books at the oldest library in town.
3.) Spook the babysitter until she will no longer work for your family.
4.) Have a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks then poop in their potty.
5.) Toss a steaming bag of dog poo in the town gazebo.
6.) Lie about your age and sex in an AOL teen chat line.
7.) Roast pumpkin seeds with your imaginary grandpa.
8.) Write a letter and mail it to yourself.
9.) Prematurely decorate with Christmas lights.
10.) Tap dance in a community theatre production of Wickerman.
11.) Carve a pumpkin like a turkey.
12.) Chug egg nog until it spews out of your nose.
12.) Do ‘The Monster Mash’ like no one’s watching.
13.) Use pumpkin puree as a personal lubricant.
14.) Draw a pentagram on the family portrait or mantlepiece.
15.) Play Bloody Mary while on your period.
16.) Invite a demon to ruin your life.
17.) Put on your best Meg Ryan face and clutch your journal while walking down the sidewalk.
18.) Adopt a black cat and offer it for sacrifice to the neighborhood goths.
19.) Wipe your ass with mom’s seasonal pot holders.
20.) Scatter a public bike path with toothpicks and other sharp objects. Sit back with a cup of cocoa and enjoy the show.