Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Searching for an Identity in a Hair Color

Each morning most of us wake with one question dancing wildly through our mind: how to arrange the mop, bob, or bouffant that rests on top of our skull? (My apologies to all you follicle deficient folk.) Some choose to style it while others decide to ignore its presence entirely. No matter your preference one thing should stay consistent and that is the color.  

There is an extreme element of instability to be cautious of when assessing an individual whose hair color changes more frequently than the expression on their face. From red to green to purple and blue, let me tell you now that the exterior of your head was never intended to function as a mood ring. If you are sad then cry into your pillow, if you are excited I suggest shouting to the heavens, and if you are bored start a stamp collection but whatever you do make sure it does not involve dipping your head into a multicolored sink.


No one likes desperate and nothing shouts, “My emotions are out of control and cannot be reined in,” like a new hair color every eight days. This method of self-transformation will not solve your drinking problem or change the fact that you’ve slept with almost everyone in the office, but if you keep those follicles pure your body will become your temple instead resembling a passing boxcar splattered with colorful graffiti.


Ellyn “the EMU” Ussery      

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This entry was posted on July 23, 2013 by in All the Funny Things, Ellyn Ussery, Smear Stuff, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , .

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