Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Free Is Not Always Healthy

For two days it sat in the hallway where everyone on their way on and off the sales floor passed the partially covered and completely tongless sample bin. From the way everyone feverishly dug their hands into the bowl one would have thought that inside was a bottomless pit of bacon laced prime cuts, not the stale, oily pita chips that actually waited in the poorly displayed passive demo stand.

As people walked by, all oblivious to the filth they would encounter if they put that chip to their lips, not one person inquired about the contents and proceeded to stuff their greedy faces with the possible poo poo and rosemary seasoned snack. Did no one realize that the guy pushing a bloody cart of meat scraps to the compactor also dove wrist deep into the free finger-licking bucket of shame? The answer, sadly, is no.

Honestly, Renaissance festival revelers have a higher level of cleanliness than these on the clock heathens. My mother always preached that avoiding potluck dinners and never shopping from Sun Harvest style bulk bins is a guaranteed way to prevent unnecessary food poising. I am pretty sure this rule applies also applies to snacking out of a sloppy pile of pita chips.

Next time you are in a grocery store and there looks to be an appealing plate of free cheese straws or flakey corn bread up for grabs, please remember that most people display disgusting hygiene habits that usually end up smeared all over public spaces. Sometimes that space makes its way to your mouth. Keep your hands in your pockets and your stomach in check when in the vicinity of a public grazing sites, because no one wants to willingly ingest the unidentified grime from under a stranger’s fingernail.

Ellyn Ussery        

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