Bill of Squatters Rights
Tucked somewhere behind the Golden Chick dumpster and the back alley of an abandoned Auto Zone, Smear Campaign archeologists carefully rummaged up some ancient artifacts from atop Cape of Fear Mountain Dew Island. What they discovered was the unofficial bill of Squatters Rights, a document shrouded in anonymous mystery and questionable speculation. The lessons to be learned from its contents are infinite.
Presented before you in marvelous Smearvision is the unedited version of the original Bill of Squatters Rights.
1.) The right to exercise open range on any refrigerator within a 25ft radius. You buy. I eat.
2.) Thou shall never pay rent. All thy earthly possessions are overflowing from an Albertson’s shopping cart and I like it that way.
3.) Toilet paper is always pilfered from convenient stores and libraries.
4.) Thou shalt always shat in a waterless toilet bowl. No flushing experience necessary.
5.) Hoarding receipts and out of date documents is a perfectly legal and healthy hobby.
6.) Y’all shall never bother my trespassed camping grounds. Finders, keepers.
7.) Shoplifting is a lifestyle, not a disease.
8.) Bartering behind someone’s back is as disrespectful as stealing from his grave.
9.) Freedom to sleep in empty houses when the renter’s are away.
10.) Knives in your boots = lucrative loots.
