Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

City Slickers: Escape From Witch Hunt Mountain

There is a new sheriff in town and his name is Hollywood. It seems like just yesterday we were all jumping on board for the Pirates of the Caribbean craze, but now it looks like the public is embracing a new kind of under-bathed super hero. Time to walk the plank Johnny Jack Sparrow.

City Slickers: Escape From Witch Hunt Mountain is by far the most exciting film to hit the summer cinema screens since Kevin Costner splashed his way into theaters with Water Wars. Take that Marvel action heroes and a big up yours to those extremely shrill Hungry Twilight fans. This film has more action than a Sandusky shower. I guarantee it. 

Most know him as the horse riding, cigar chewing, chap wearing, card cheating, cattle wrangling, chuck wagon towing, chain smoking, cheap whiskey drinking, Choctaw slaying, campfire singing, Colt-45 slinging cowboy of the great American west, but to me he is just Billy Crystal. 

When Mitch Robbins, played ruggedly by the always-dashing Mr. Crystal, decides to return to the desert on horseback to hunt for a tattered notebook containing the intimate diary of an elusive cycling legend, under the posthumous guidance of the freshly deceased Mr. Curly “Totem Pole” Palance of course, the real adventure begins. 

Trouble soon arrives in the form of notorious peddling doper, Lance “Swollen Muscle” Armstrong, keeper of Witch Hunt Mountain. As the Wild West treasure hunters push their wagon train deeper into scandal country, Armstrong violently takes aim at Mitch and his outfit, declaring them trespassers and vowing to run them back to the suburbs they so casually trotted from.

After an aggressive exchange of rubber bullet fire from the mounted Mitch and his gossip-seeking outfit, “Swollen Muscle” deploys his trusty Nerf bow and arrow shooting squad to discourage the charging city cowboys. For a few moments it looks as if Mitch is a whipped warrior. His horses have all fled the potentially bloody skirmish, but Mitch makes one last valiant effort to suppress the master of the mountain by launching a risky assault on foot.

Shielding himself with only a clipboard and a laser pointer, Mitch makes his way into the heart of Witch Hunt Mountain with his sights set on the unnaturally strong Armstrong. After a rigorous game of cat and mouse amid the various hidden inner caves of the rocky fortress Mitch takes a bold chance, provoking “Swollen Muscles” with his extremely piercing laser pointer pen.

SPOILER ALERT!

When all is said and done, “Swollen Muscles” is contained and his private business is sold to the highest bidder, making Mitch and his men rich bastards. Curly gives a big approving thumbs up from the clouds as the authorities haul Lance “Swollen Muscles” Armstrong and his secretive force to the local ‘Ripley’s Believe It or Not’.

I have said too much already. If you are in the mood for action, suspense, slap stick, and high voltage drama than I highly recommend City Slickers: Escape From Witch Hunt Mountain. Five stars. No thumbs down.             

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