Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Shouts in the Dark!

TUESDAY 05/29/2012

YOU: Young lady who let go of the steering wheel while texting and merging to flip me the bird.

ME: Totally reporting your ass for that hit and run on the guy walking on the sidewalk in front of Coyote Ugly who fell victim to your folly.   

Wednesday 06/03/2012

YOU: Detained in the back office of Half Priced Foods for shop lifting three bottles of Andre sparkling champagne and a pound of out-of-date sushi.

ME: Admiring your style from behind my badge. Want to run in the rain without an umbrella? Me too. Let’s meet again under different circumstances.  

FRIDAY 06/13/2012

YOU: Quietly yelling at yourself on the bus headed downtown with a bottle of blue Boone’s Farm casually concealed in a paper bag.

ME: Unable to understand a word you were saying but the passion behind that word vomit was enough to make me a believer. Couldn’t help but notice that sick pager attached to your pocketless cargos. Hit me with your digits and we can get tore up under Congress Bridge sometime.    

                                                 BY: Ellyn ‘EMU’ Ussery


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