Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Like Being Barefoot, But Gayer

There is an extremely long list of annoyances that I have documented over the last few years that have ranged from children who sport sunglasses while lounging in their covered carriages to adults wearing pajamas in public, but today I plan on slamming the most obnoxious phenomenon since the 1996 Swing sensation.

Feet shoes, Barefoot shoes, or the fast foot shoe, depending on the website you look at or the douche bag you talk to, these barefoot forming excuse for footwear are beyond ridiculous. Today I witnessed a grown man on a three-wheeled scooter revving around in a pair of these fashion eyesores. I literally vomited in my mouth as I walked passed him in my toe concealing kicks. The ill I projected on to this man cannot be published here but let me assure you that if black magic is as dangerous as I have been led to believe it is then this loser did not make it one block before crashing his cautious scooter.

People who substitute socially acceptable footwear with this sorry excuse for comfort should be held to the same standards as those who try to enter a grocery store shirtless. If I can make out the odd configuration of your hideous toes then service should be denied. They do not bring you closer to the earth or make your trek any holier. What they do is make you a target of my rage. I cannot be the only one who scoffs at this fashion faux pas. If you have any stories to share on the topic or simply your opinion please let me know.

Hopefully one day we will regress back to the way we were, a time when people tied their laces instead of strapping their shoes. Until that happens I hope you join my cause and refuse to treat those who stomp around in their weird toe revealing clogs like the rest of us.    

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