Turning Shit into Gold since 2006
Dear Dr. Tabby,
With the apocalypse inching further and further into my forecasted horizon, I am puzzled by the current state of worry that Evolution is causing my conscience. For approximately four months I have been consumed with disturbing thoughts of my little toe and fourth toe growing together, forming one large chunk toe that creates an uncomfortable connection.
No matter how loose-fitting the shoe or sockless the foot, I cannot seem to stop this process. Band-Aids are useless in my ever evolving battle of toe skin separation. I was born with two handfuls of toes and I intend on dying with all ten intact.
Anyway, if you could pass on some friendly advice or any particularly good spells you may be privy to it would be greatly appreciated.
Signed with anonymity and reluctance,
Miss St. Frances de La Marshall O’Sullivan
Dear Almost Anonymous,
The symptoms you are describing sound ever so similar to those one would have if he or she were suffering from a Plantar Wart. This is a very common ailment that can be treated with Keratolytic chemicals or liquid nitrogen. Stay clear of moist surfaces and public bath houses. Sharing towels or razors is not an option when carrying the human papillomavirus on the bottom of your foot.
Unfortunately the last spell I prescribed ended disastrously and at this time I am morally and contractually unable to offer any advice where magic is concerned. Keep your head high and your feet dry.