Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Mommy’s Dearest Miracle

Mariah Carey Cannon has kept the name of her newborn twins secret until now. Her baby boy called Moroccan, named after the top floor of an apartment building, and baby girl Monroe, who is named after Founding Father and the fifth President of the United States James Monroe. Just kidding. The infant is named after and pill popping pop icon best known for her involvement in a Presidential sex scandal. Classy.

If my celebrity calendar is correct, wasn’t mama Mariah pregnant for 24 months or more? It feels like she announced her pregnancy around the same time Obama was inaugurated. Something about the mixing of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s bodily fluids that makes me question the validity of their offspring. 

This is not the first time I have questioned a celebrity couple about their path to parenthood. Here are a few celebrities who raise a few red flags:

1.) Tom Cruise is too easy a target, but seriously, how did that tiny alien get an innocent girl from Dawson’s Creek to slide in the sheets with him?

2.) Between the hotel crashing, booze cruising, pill crushing, and powder snorting, I still don’t understand how Courtney Love conceived and delivered a baby with all of it’s limbs and a fully functioning brain.  

3.) Jennifer Lopez (aka JLo) obviously married and copulated with a vampire. Mark Anthony does not have blood running through his veins, so I am also pretty sure he does not shoot human sperm either. 

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This entry was posted on May 6, 2011 by in All the Funny Things, Smear Stuff.

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