Smear Campaign

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SXSW 2011 Predictions

Ain't Bothered

South By Southwest is a week in which free alcohol is distributed quicker than condoms in a whorehouse. It is also a magical time to see what people will wear in order to adhere to the always changing trends. Here is a quick list of SXSW predictions that may or may not come true, but keep your eyes peeled for reoccurring themes.

1.) One thing that will never change is the badge wearing douche wads who believe that the dangling plastic name tag makes them privy to line cutting anywhere in town. Congratulations, you are over 30, wealthy, and too lazy to stand in line. They are annoying and completely unaware of how much they are despised by locals.

2.) Last year it was the Fanny Pack, this year I predict that the new accessory will be Rollerblades. Not the clunky kind you wore in 5th grade but the real deal Rollerblade. Airborne style. It is easier than finding a spot to lock your bike and it is the last great 90s hobby that has yet to make a comeback.  

3.) This is the year hipster men will shamelessly dabble in Daisy Dukes. In my opinion, hip young men of the straight persuasion have been sporting shorts that seem to expose more thigh then usual. Let me tell you, it is not attractive. If it looks like you bought it off the Old Navy juniors sale rack then you shouldn’t be wearing it. 

4.) Kombucha and vodka is going to be the drink of choice, because mixing opposites will always fuck you up. Nothing like an organic probiotic infused with a 40% alcohol to give you that righteous kick in the ass needed to sustain hours of pogo hopping.

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This entry was posted on March 14, 2011 by in All the Funny Things and tagged , , , , , , , , , .

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