Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

HOW TO BE A SXSW HERO

1. Wake up approx. noon-thirty.

2. Get money, get money. Acquire in any way necessary.

3. Get high.

4. Sit in employee parking lot, sipping on lukewarm PBR.

6. Pay no attention to first band. This is a good general rule, and it’s great because it’s also made to be broken.

7. Climb up a tall outdoor skate ramp full of people and ask the one naked drunk man for directions.

9. Sprint past the doorman and hope he’s too lazy to come find you. Be sure to tell the door bitch goodbye when you leave!

11. Gain access to a private home and get in a good 30-40 minute nap. You may have to give it up, but it’s worth it.

13. Line up the front row with your best and baddest fools. You came to dance, not chat about “the 9/11 Conspiracy”! Hold on to your backpack, keep your hands by your sides and POGO!!!!

14. Circle the band’s van and envelop it in weed smoke. Be exclusive about your crew, because by 3 AM, every mom in that place will be begging to blaze.

15. Head home just as the cops roll up.

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This entry was posted on March 9, 2011 by in All the Funny Things, Smear Stuff and tagged , .

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