Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Christmas Tears

With Christmas approaching quicker than a bunion on grandma’s toe there seem to be more annoying, bratty children roaming about than usual. I attribute this anti-holiday spirit to a lack of good parenting and an overall disbelief in Santa Claus.It took me close to eleven years to realize that Santa was actually my parents sneaking wicked sweet gifts under the holiday tree. Seriously, it took me eleven years to figure it out. For the first decade of my life I thought Santa was a rad dude who brought my sister and I Beetlejuice and New Kids on the Block action figures.

It was not until my eleventh year when mom sternly said “Don’t you dare look into the backseat of the car or Christmas will be ruined forever,” that my belief in a jolly fat man creeping into my living room to leave expensive gifts was crushed. Of course I could not abide by her request and I had to take a sneaky peek. What I saw was a great big RCA television set. The next morning the TV was sitting under the tree with a huge note on it that read, “From Santa.”

No matter what time of year or the situation, if I was acting a mad fool in a department store, my mom had no problem threatening me with a call to Santa and his elves. With the promise of an empty Christmas in the middle of March there was no messing around.

What I currently see is a whole bunch of spoiled brats who have parents that should have just given birth to a cell phone instead of a human being. I guarantee that if their Blackberry or I-phone acted as terribly as their children did the problem would be fixed immediately. Your trash can toss application can wait, because right now your kid has flung himself in the middle of a busy store and is screaming like a beached whale, and he has no idea what Santa is truly capable of.

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2 comments on “Christmas Tears

  1. D.d. Riles
    January 31, 2011

    I think if you went on Hoda and Kathy Lee with this rant you may be able to change the world…or not. You should still try to get on the show. Love Dana Deep

  2. D.d. Riles
    January 31, 2011

    I think if you went on Hoda and Kathy Lee with this rant you may be able to change the world…or not. You should still try to get on the show. Love Dana Deepppp

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This entry was posted on December 20, 2010 by in All the Funny Things and tagged , , , , , , , , .

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