Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Moon Rock Toothpaste

I am almost positive that I am brushing my teeth with some sort of moon rock concoction. Like most impulse purchases there is always the ability to pick out an item based purely on packaging looks alone. The old judging a book by its cover routine if you will. Trust me, no one would have read the Harry Potter Chronicles if the cover did not feature a school boy wizard playing gravity defying field hockey.

The CVS pharmacy at the end of my street has become quite a distraction. While recently browsing the aisles, somewhere in between the office supplies and the nighttime pads, my attention was captured by the most mysterious tube of toothpaste I had ever seen. It evoked emotions that I thought only astronauts were capable of experiencing. The low drooping moon that hung in the background on the box sparkled cleaner than any surface my eyes had ever spied. My teeth revealed to be as gritty as a cowboy’s coffee kettle as I ran my tongue across the inside of my mouth.

A rush of excitement ran over me as I swiped my debit card and dashed for home in anticipation of my dental plaque cleansing. For a week I had been painfully squeezing a nearly depleted bottle of Aquafresh, but now my teeth were in for a minty moon rock burst of freshness. Never before had the sensation of sand gritting against my teeth been enjoyable, but as I brushed with the new outer space paste it was hard not to appreciate the crunch that was going into the extensive oral cleaning I was experiencing.

Sadly, like most good things, the reality of the Crest Night Whitening toothpaste loomed overhead once I replaced my tooth-brush back in the cup by the sink. The mint flavor quickly disappeared and a dull aftertaste overpowered my freshly scrubbed incisors.

A word of warning when buying an item based on image alone; if it looks too cool to be true than it probably is. More treasures have been found in unmarked paper sacks than in Gucci handbags.

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One comment on “Moon Rock Toothpaste

  1. D.d. Riles
    January 31, 2011

    Im going to illustrate a childrens book about this.

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