Turning Shit into Gold since 2006
-The Jackie Kennedy swim team will be competing in a 3 round, Round Robin tournament in Willow Peaks this weekend. Jimmy Lou Gerkey will not be eligible for competitive play until November 3rd due to poor grade performance and a mismanaged bank account.
-A 50 foot garden hose was stolen from the trainee firefighter’s lounge with no apparent motive. Captain Walter T. Jones attributes the disappearance of the equipment on gin and juice.
–Scott Mason shot at Karen Winters and her bird while trying to exit the Middletown Bridge. Mr. Mason was found three hours later in the lobby of the Fisher Hotel demanding extra wash cloths and pillow cases.
-Police responded to a call in the West Gully neighborhood when a resident rang and made a noise complaint. When officers arrived they found two youngsters lighting fireworks and drinking wine in a vacant house. They both went to bed without supper or a scrub.