Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Wisdom Learned from Wives Tales

Like most mythological information that comes my way I tend to believe anything I hear until proven otherwise. It took a violent cramping incident that left me at the bottom of a neighbor’s pool to clue me into the fact that eating half a dozen hot dogs and a pound of potato salad, followed by a vigorous swan diving session is not the smartest way to go about cardio vascular exercise.

There I was, sunk like a ship after hitting an iceberg. Luckily I had spit the watermelon seeds I had been eating out before I went swimming so there was no danger of one growing in my stomach at the time, which would have made my rescue even more difficult than it actually was. Thanks Uncle Ronnie, your lifeguard training really came in handy that day.

Sure it is true that I keep an acorn in my pocket at all times to ensure that I live a long life, you will never catch me lighting three cigarettes with the same match, and every baseball bat I have ever owned is covered in saliva. What kind of an idiot tries to hit a homerun with a new bat that has not been spit on?

Of all of the wives tales that I have come to live by I was recently made doubtful of one that makes absolutely no sense at all. The other day as I was plucking a gray hair out of my head, with the complete understanding that ten more would naturally grow in its place, one of my friends told me that a human’s nose and ears continue growing as long as he or she is alive. Of all of the old wives tales I have been told through the years I am not so sure about this one.

You really expect me to believe that someday I am going to look like a Jewish Pinocchio Jar Jar Binks? Sounds like a crock pot of bunk to me. If this is true than how come I have never heard of this phenomenon? Guess only time will tell. As long as I don’t break a mirror or spill some salt I should be ok.

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This entry was posted on October 16, 2010 by in All the Funny Things and tagged , , .

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