Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Jaw Smacking Fun, Gone Forever?

What if you lost something you really loved and were not sure if you were ever going to get it back? This sounds so cheesy, like a promo for a Hallmark movie, but I recently lost something I truly love and I am afraid I am never going to get it back. No, I am not talking about my little dog Ethel, who I did in fact lose but who I ended up founding in dramatic fashion. She was chomping chicken in a Popeye’s parking lot after two days roughing it on the streets. That’s my girl.

The incident that caused me to lose my dog for forty-nine agonizing hours was also the incident in which I lost my ability to chew gum, one of my all time favorite past times. For every action there is a reaction, or so I have been told, and when I got hit by a car and slammed my head on the pavement that day I was lucky to walk away with only a bump and a wicked cool black eye. It was not until three weeks later that I learned that I may never chew gum again.

Now there has been no official doctor’s diagnosis, but since that day every time I try to chew a stick of delicious gum I get a massive headache that makes the act of smacking the combination of sweeteners, flavorings, and softeners completely unenjoyable. Gum is a gateway into day dreaming for me and without it I feel lost. What am I supposed to do at work when I get bored, not chew gum and look like an unimaginative idiot?

Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful everyday that I have my pup back home and that my brains are still resting safely in my skull. It’s just that being gumless is a new kind of lifestyle for me and I am not quite used to living it yet. I find myself trying to blow phantom bubbles all the time.

Alas, with each rain cloud comes the blossoming of a new flower so I plan to take each moment step by step, chew by chew and hope that the day when I can cram a whole pack of Big League bubble gum in my mouth and smack all my worries away arrives sooner than later.

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This entry was posted on October 7, 2010 by in All the Funny Things and tagged , , .

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