Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

PUKE, SIN, HATE

Two words, one name. Julia Roberts. Back in the 90’s, this incredibly over paid movie star captured the hearts of middle-aged women the world over as Hollywood hooker, Vivian Ward. As charming as her Rodeo Drive innocence was at the time, Robert’s has now turned into one of America’s most annoying leading ladies. Her bland acting skills make Nicole Kidman’s emotionless expressions seem like compelling acting talent and her obnoxious on-screen presence makes me long for the heyday of AOL advocate Meg Ryan.

A few years after she dazed audiences with her bubble bath humor in Notting Hill, a 1999 romantic comedy that is best summed up by this Wikipedia description;

“Thacker (Hugh Grant) encounters Hollywood actress Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) when she enters his shop to buy a book. The pair later collide in the street, causing William to spill his orange juice on both of them. Anna and William marry, the film concluding with a shot of William and a pregnant Anna on a park bench in Notting Hill,” Roberts remained absent from tabloid covers and make-up commercials.

Sadly she has recently returned to the big screen as an unhappy, newly divorced, and overall successful business woman who decides to travel the world and replace her heartache with calories. At least that is what I take from the trailer that has been playing at every commercial break since before Thanksgiving last year. There might be something in the plot about an elephant stampede or a religious conversion, but I am not too sure since I refuse to watch another chick flick staring this horse faced ginger.

I am convinced that the effects of viewing this movie might leave my stomach so uneasy that I would have to violently puke up the bottomless bucket of buttery popcorn I had consumed all over the patron in front of me. Then I would find myself in such a state of blind rage that it would leave me homicidal towards anyone related to the filming of this movie, eventually causing me to despise the lifetime I would have to spend in prison for the crime.

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This entry was posted on August 26, 2010 by in All the Funny Things.

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