Turning Shit into Gold since 2006
Heat tends to make people act a little strange. Add alcohol to an extreme sun tanning session and you’ve got a recipe for optical delusion. Over the last five days I baked in the sizzling summer sun with my friends and family until my skin began to sag and shrivel, all the while downing a wide range of adult beverages. As the outside of my body began to brown like a raw hide, my brain began to boil like an egg in a stove top pot.
Luckily I was not the only one lounging in the UV rays for an extended period so I was not alone in my confusion once I retreated to the shade. Following a particularly lengthy bout of sun soaking I found myself sitting at the dinner table watching something that would make any right-minded person shutter. The presence of birthday balloons scattered about the carpet made for the perfect distraction from reality. Before I knew it, my sis had picked up a knife and began stabbing the flailing balloons she was kicking up into the air.
Blindly turning corners and thrusting the sharp tipped weapon down into the latex confetti, Teenage Toto wielded the eye gouging tool with precise precision, popping all of the loose balloons with a gleeful giggle. Due to the slow reflexes of my baked brain it took nearly three minutes to realize what was actually happening. Since no one else seemed to notice the dangerous activity taking place in the living room I simply sat back and watched as she slaughtered the helpless decorations.
Instead of stopping what seemed like a really bad idea I ultimately joined in and put my skills to the test. As we cut and jabbed at floating rainbow around us I could not help but imagine introducing this dangerous and illogical activity to a classroom of third graders. Can you imagine the ramifications of such a disastrous idea? The teacher would probably have to get the kid’s parents to sign some kind of a waiver or something because the amount of lipless and fingerless participants standing once the game was over would be staggering.