Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

The Metropolis Apartments Made Me Fat

It is easy to say that this is not the worst place to live, but I assure you that better accommodations could be found in a seaport shanty town if the weather was right. As a resident of the funky facility from 2006 to 2008, my sister and I had the pleasure of dealing with drunken unmotivated hippies bellow us, extremely loud children of a deaf single mother to the left of us, an obnoxious dog owner down the hall, and a 24 hour party person cooking Meth at all hours of the night next door. Ah, those light headed days and techno music nights. We learned to ignore the door handle jiggling that became a common midday occurrence after every possible  intruder turned out to be stumbling Meth addict looking for a soft couch to crash on.

The summer we moved in the pool was shut down after Staph infection was found in the pool. One bitter winter we went without a toilet for a weekend after the entire office staff decided not to show up to work for two days, so we had to resort to shitting in a vacant apartment a few doors down. Thanks for that unlocked window. The worst thing about the place was a guy called Gold Hat who invited himself in every time the door was not latched. “Got a beer or a cigarette I could bum?” The freebie bullying was a major nuisance for the two years we lived there.

Forget the crime, the sloppy drug dealing, the even sloppier prostitutes, gambling, and gang related violence that took place on the premisses, the worst thing was that I gained over 20 pounds after moving in. This place is depressing. Even my dog was on drugs while I lived here.

p.s. The staff was a lump or idiots who had the professionalism of a summer snow-cone stand manager.

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This entry was posted on June 10, 2010 by in All the Funny Things.

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