Turning Shit into Gold since 2006
From the director of The Godfather trilogy and other such classics comes the Sophia sparkling wine. With enough atomic punch to drop a heavyweight like yours truly, these deceptive drinks will loop you into syndication.
They may be small and they may look like something a five year old would give to her stuffed animals during a tea party but they will most definitely fuck you up. The built-in straw and sugary flavor make it way too easy to daintily sip yourself into oblivion.
During my last encounter with these mini-sparklers, I found myself clutching a can, sipping from the straw and lounging in a sleeping bag on the floor, babbling the whole time. Once the drinks are mixed with any other alcoholic concoction, say goodbye to any common sense you previously possessed.
An old drunkard proverb says, “Beer on whiskey mighty risky, whiskey on beer in the clear.” Since these mini four packs of princess juice were introduced to boozer cruisers the world over, a new saying has emerged: “Sucking through a straw will most likely get you in a brawl.” They are simply that dangerous.