Turning Shit into Gold since 2006
As long as the round table turns and Liza Minnelli continues to flop herself across a cabaret piano, there will always be celebrities with wise words for the world. While rifling through an old rubbage pile behind a Taco Bell dumpster last week, the ladies of Smear discovered a box of talkative treasures and were thankfully able to piece together the shredded documents and salvage the priceless artifacts.
If your day smells like poop and you feel like shit, take these words and absorb their lessons.
1. John Wayne: “Not enough heat in their blood, they are soon to spoil.”
2. King Arthur: “If every stone went unturned they would surely reveal no chivalry in a world gone mad.”
3. Liquid Alex Mac: “Once you have escaped the tumble dry, you know you’ve made it.”
4.Drunk Liza Minnelli: “Monica, Monica sends her cherish to you allllllll! AHH!”
5. Toni Broxton’s attorney: “You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser,
you gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger.”
6. Brandon Fraser trying to be sexy: “Could you pass the Courvoisier? By the way, your tits look great in this mezzanine lighting.”