Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Herpegotchi!

tamagatchiFrom the makers of the Yankit and Incest the Board game comes the most infectious hand-held entertainment device around. It is called the Herpegotchi, and it will have you itching for hours! Forget about your iPhone apps and your Facebook profile, this tiny toy will engross you, as well as gross you out with its inability to function without your constant attention.

Like its 1996 predecessor, the Tamagotchi, the Herpegotchi is as helpless as a lamb in a rat cage. When you first activate your Herpegotchi it is in a state of complete sleepiness. Once you give it a soft nudge from the nest let the games begin.

At first your Herpegotchi might seem shy, even slightly socially retarded, but have no fear for each electronic creature is designed to turn into a promiscuous pal that requires guidance in its daily existence.

When your Herpegotchi begins to show signs of Herpes Simplex Type 1 or Type 2, it is time to get to work. If your Herpegotchi is of the male persuasion expect the outbreak to last up to three weeks, and up to two weeks for females. This is the most intense bonding period between you and your buddy on a key chain. During the outbreak you must keep your HG from spreading the incurable disease, while still maintaining a social network because the ultimate goal is to eventually find your HG a permanent mate.

Some of the activities that you and your Herpegotchi may partake in include;

  • Feeding it a snack or a delicious beverage.
  • Applying ointment on the irritated region and administering medicine regularly.
  • Washing its bed sheets and making sure he/she always looks fly.
  • Monitoring your Herpegotchi’s behavior and maintaining its happiness factor.
  • Chatting with other HG buddies via satellite.

*WARNING* Do not confuse the red blisters on your Herpegotchi for boils. It is a common mistake for first time gamers and it could cost your Herpegotchi its life.

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This entry was posted on November 5, 2009 by in All the Funny Things.

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