Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

Smear’s Romantic Date Movie Guide

moviesEvery once in a while the ladies of Smear Campaign like a good cry or cuddle just like the rest of you sappy dumplings. Presented in unstained Smear vision, a short list of romantic date movies.

NEVER BEEN FUCKED: Starring Drew Barrymore and David Arcade- A pathetic tale about a 33-year-old, frumpy virgin who finally gets her cherry popped when her brother spreads exceptional rumors about her love-making skills to his fellow Kinko’s employees. Penises are named, cars are crashed and feelings are hurt in this light comedy of the heart.

WHO ATE GILBERT’S GRAPES?: Starring Leonardo Cappuccino and Whoopi Goldberg’s ghost- The love between a simpleton and his basketball coach is tested when Coach Eddie (Goldberg) has a heart attack during the championship game. Due to the lack of a school issued defibrillator, Eddie dies and leaves Gilbert to fend for himself. He soon reverts to his old habit of writing in his basketball diary, neglecting the game he once loved. When coach Eddie’s ghost returns to Earth to guide her free-throw protege she soon takes to stress eating once she reads the horrors in Gilbert’s personal account of life of the verge of retardation.

WHEN SALLY GOT HAIRY: Starring Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal Meth- This harrowing story of a Testosterone infused Manhattanite who begins her transition into manhood will have you in stitches and tears. At one point in the film, Sally’s boners become so uncontrollable that she has multiple orgasms in various Wi-Fi zones. The Central Park McCafe will never be the same.

LUSITANIA: Starring Kathy Bates (The new Shelly Winters) and Shia LeBeauf- When a woman tries to stand up for her generation she is attacked by the enemy. In this epical, romantical bio-pic, Bates portrays the Insatiable Molly Brown Pants, the mythical musical sea beast. A mysterious young cad arrives on board the ocean liner in search of his biological mother when he is enticed by the massive cuddling creature. After a night of intense drinking, Barney (LeBeauf) is swept 20,000 leagues under the sea and is never seen again. For the next 700 years, Molly Brown Pants takes to terrorizing ocean liners and sailboats alike.

THE BOOK KEEPER: Starring Haley Joel Omsit and Johnathan Taylor Thomas- Two rural boys take a chance in the big city in this light adventure comedy that pits friend against friend in Soviet Russia. Toby, an illiterate orphan from Siberia (H.J.O.), is swooped up by a sharply dressed Moscow pimp who teaches him the ropes and strokes needed to survive the mean streets. All goes bust when Toby’s British pen pal, Bruno (J.T.T.), comes looking for his misguided buddy. The riches and the red lights are too much for Toby to ignore and his resistance to help results in a town square sword fight that will have you on your feet cheering.

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One comment on “Smear’s Romantic Date Movie Guide

  1. Paula Neiheisel
    November 4, 2009

    again I say, GENIUS!

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This entry was posted on November 4, 2009 by in Smear Stuff.

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