Smear Campaign

Turning Shit into Gold since 2006

You’ve Got Junk Mail

mailOver the weekend, Planet Hollywood purchased the original emails exchanged between the stars of the 1996 cult classic, You’ve Got Junk Mail. Rumor has it that on the last day of filming the whole cast indulged in a round of steamy hugs! The most intense embrace involved Lindsay Lohan and Dakota Fanning, stars of the 90’s kid dark comedy, Dial Up Modem.

Presented in stunning AOL vision, the Planet of Rock has been awesome enough to share email correspondence between two American thespian treasures, Meg Fryin and Tom Hacks.

Dear Meg Fryin,

In New York City, nothing says Autumn like pencil shavings. I truly believe it would be hard to erase those early memories of me at my grandpa’s shop near Tubman’s square, sharpening pencils until my nose bled. You have to remember that this was the time before electric pencil sharpeners. You could say I was a pioneer in my field. The way the pencil rolled down the street as frustrated shop owners fought them off one by one with homemade brooms made me long for summer freedom.

City boys on the streets with wood locks for bats, all hoping they had it in them to be the next DiGiorno, swung and missed too many times to count. Now look at us rushing around nearly forgetting the things that made us who we are today. One must question, where have all the cowboys gone? What about you? Any memories you cherish?

Truly, Madly, Deploy,

Tom Hacks

Dear Tom Hacks,

Cherish is a harsh word, a lot like my childhood. Yours sounds so much more fun compared to my tortured beginnings. My grandpa owned a toy shop near Mussolini Square, where I would polish marbles until my eyes bled.

As the youth trampled the pavement in high-top Pumps, I was shamefully subjected to the faggoty flop of my Richard Simmons aerobic sneakers. Another careless purchase from Payless. The silver lining, I was not as shameful as those who wore Gloria Estefan scrunchies and strawberry shaped hair barrettes. What year was this? Hard to say. The youth have dabbled in these urban movements since the days of Hell’s Kitchen.

P.s. Do you find yourself using really photogenic words like, ‘silver lining’ and ‘rambunctious’  all the time? I do. I should really get back to working on my memories now. Bye! :>)

From your AOL basket case, waiting and baking for you…,

Meg Fryin

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This entry was posted on October 17, 2009 by in Smear Stuff and tagged , , , .

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