Smear Campaign

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American Beauty

rosieAs odd as this may sound, I really don’t think Kid’s Choice Awards queen Rosie O’Donnell is gay. Besides her coming out and saying it, what proof do you, any of you, have? Rosie O’Donnell is one of the most graceful, gentle, feminine people in the entertainment industry. I think she is just pulling a publicity stunt. Things like this happen all the time to stars whose approval ratings are slumping. Instead of shoplifting or public intoxication, Rosie took the gay way out. Suddenly Rosie has started tooling around on a motorcycle, sporting a sick haircut, and flaunting a really bad attitude.

I know what you are thinking, “why would she risk losing all of her stay-at-home mom fans?” This is retarded. What most don’t know is that the majority of her female audience is gay. Rosie’s coming out only made these women secretly desire lovely Rosie even more. Now they feel confident that one day their dreams will come true and they will be able to defy their religion, leave their husbands, abandon the children and live in sinful bliss, discovering things they never knew existed, all the while playing with their Koosh toys and licking chocolate syrup off Rosie’s back.

Rosie knew these hard facts all along. Her TV ratings were dropping, Tom Selleck had recently put a gun to her head, so she basically had to say she was gay. After the announcement she received the support and admiration of secret lesbian ladies from Sacramento to Providence. Even Jesus can’t stand between Rosie and her pussy posse. Those women are a loyal to Rosie as they are to their Botox appointments.

Wait, Rosie can’t be gay! She has children. I would love for anyone to prove me wrong. Gay people can’t have kids, it’s a science fiction fact. Vagina + vagina = -1 baby. In a way, I feel betrayed by her. For so long I thought I was watching a motherly, honest, hilarious woman acting and entertaining. I remember seeing her hosting the 1997 Tony Awards. She had on an elegant black tailored suit with a really cute backwards Derby cap.

Rosie O’Donnell really sold out! How can anyone who once loved her not feel misled by her antics? That was a gay Betty Rubble we were all watching! I cannot even watch A League of Their Own anymore. It’s is just not believable to me anymore. It just seems like there is no possible way a gay person could play a straight person so convincingly.

If Rosie had a good heart she would be honest with her fans and herself and admit that she is simply not a gay wad. It makes me wonder what other lies Rosie is living. If she’s going to continue to be a “gay” entertainer, she might want to practice acting a little more gay because I’m not buying it.

-Teenage Toto

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This entry was posted on October 17, 2009 by in Smear Stuff and tagged , .

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