Turning Shit into Gold since 2006
If the goofy dancing and daily plasma screen giveaways are not enough, Ellen Degeneres has just taken her T.V. talk show to a whole new level of retardation. From what I could tell, due to the fact that the volume was muted because the show brings me great agitation, especially at 9 o’clock in the morning, a game involving four young women with bags on their heads was about to take place.
Anytime a daytime talk show caters to the entertainment needs of the 18-55 female demographic it is certainly guaranteed that a portion of the hour will be filled with mind numbing games. Sure I am accustomed to cheering on contestants who attempt to suck down an entire bottle of ketchup in 45 seconds or applauding a five-year-old who can correctly name all of the Presidents of the Untied States since Millard Fillmore, but the competition I was about to witness sent my head a spinning.
Picture four Converse clad ladies with huge paper bags on their heads, each bag obviously decorated by a child from the break-dancing troop that is stashed away in Ellen’s old prop closet, being led onto a 12×24 mat in the center of the stage. After the women were spun around a few times they were then released and encouraged to follow the audiences directional shouting and pluck the bag off of their fellow competitors skull. The disorientation of the contestants and the hysterical glee on the faces of the crowd was starting to scare me. Mind you, the reward for a first place finish was a measly plastic takeout cup with Ellen’s face on the side.
9:41am, two bag-headed women remain on the mat. The grappling becomes more intense as the athletes, I mean middle aged moms with loads of frequent flyer miles, air swat towards one another. Finally a winner prevails as the last bag is lifted, revealing a safety goggled blonde who slaps her thigh in light hearted aggravation at her second place finish.
In conclusion, I must say that the experience left me humiliated for Ellen, her staff and her fans. Was this game supposed to motivate me, or inspire me, or even make me laugh? Whatever it did, it definitely made me want to put a bag on my own head out of shame for not getting up and changing the channel.